These past few days have been pretty rough. Not just rough, but hard. They have tested me, and I have failed miserably. I had no clue I was lying, or that others I trusted thought I was. But I have been accused, and I can see their side of things, no matter how wrong they may be. I have found out some truths as well. And now I am at a loss as to what to do.
I will probably not be going to school this fall. I cannot afford it now that I have fucked up and still haven't graduated yet after being in school for four years. And I take all responsibility for that. It just sucks. So I am now on the search for a second job. I need to work so I can save up to move out - on my own.
Right now, I can't even think straight. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. But I am stronger than that. I did this to myself, and I will fix it. If that means never trusting or making friends again, then I will do it. Whatever it takes to survive.
I seem to hurt those I care about, and most of the time, it's without even knowing it. So how do I change that? I distance myself. From everyone.
That's all I can do.
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