I have seen the future... It's just as shitty as the present

Ya know, I have seen a lot in my life. I have had people come into my life, only to disappear just as hastily as they arrived. And the best part, the same thing is going to keep happening. People let others stomp all over them, knowing it isn't good or their fault, but do nothing to stop it. Maybe they can't do anything about it. But sometimes, just sometimes, I want to scream, "get some fucking balls and dump the retard!" But I can't do that. Oh, no. Because it would hurt the one who has already been hurt enough.

My mother is about to leave my step-father. But she still loves him, so she isn't leaving-leaving. No. Just moving out and asking for a separation. How someone can still love the person who treats them and their kids like shit is beyond me. Yet, I have loved someone who wasn't any good for me as well. But I had the guts to stand up and say enough was enough. That didn't stop someone who I thought was a friend from raping me, though. No. So I guess sometimes, saying no doesn't work.

On a good note, Thursday is coming up quick. I am so excited to go see "Young Frankenstein: The Musical." I cannot help but wonder though, how many of the people I am going to see it with even really give a shit about me. So many of them I considered as friends, but this past semester, people got mean. Treated me like a piece of dog crap. Maybe it was because I was close to Tracey. I don't know. I do know I let them take advantage of me. I would do so much for them, and get nothing in return.

So again, I wonder. Do any of them even care if I go? Do they care if I just.... disappear? Some are leaving now that they graduated, and I couldn't be happier. Some others, brought a bad habit into the theatre and corrupted a girl who didn't need that brought onto her. I worry for all of these people, but I can bet they don't give a damn about me. Nope. I know they don't. But I care. Too much.

And this Saturday is the bonfire my friend Mary Beth and I have been planning for weeks. We have spent a lot of time and money, and no one is going to show. Why? Because no one ever shows to parties I throw. And I never get invited to parties other people throw. I hope people show up this weekend. I want this party to be a success; not for my sake, but for Mary's. She needs this outlet. To have fun and meet new people. I want her to be happy. She deserves it.

But I am going to go for now. No one is reading my blog. Just like it was before. No one cares. And I guess I have to like it. What other choice do I have?